


The V Card

by music_within



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Inappropriate Humor, Loss of Virginity, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-17 04:28:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4652241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/music_within/pseuds/music_within
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are determined to lose your virginity and your friend Suzy decides her friend Dan is just what you need. Smut and hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coffee and Girl Talk

“I want it gone,” you said. You sat in a small Los Angeles café with your best friend, Suzy. You had taken a break off and you needed to vent to someone. Thankfully, your favorite person was always free to listen to your complaining. The most recent book you were editing was as interesting as waiting in line at the DMV and you decided to go out before you died of monotony overdose. Your round, two-person table was situated in the corner of the restaurant furthest from the door. You hadn’t chosen the location for any particular reason, but you were grateful because of the conversation the two of you were now having. How the conversation got to your virginity, you had no clue. It was most likely your fault, though.

“Geez (y/n), it’s not that big of a deal. Who cares if you still have your v card?” Suzy’s words were meant to be comforting, but they sounded like something out of an afterschool special so there was no way you could take them seriously.

“Everyone.” You were exaggerating. “Every guy I date instantly changes when he finds out I haven’t had sex. I become this stupid conquest, it’s like I’m not even a person.”

“That’s because men are stupid.” She giggled and you rolled your eyes, but offered a small chuckle. She definitely had the authority to say that since all of her coworkers were men and she had told many stories of their idiotic antics, but you had hoped that at least one guy was exempt for the rule.

“Suzy, I’m twenty-five. That’s like, sixty-five in virgin years.” At least, that’s how it felt lately. You dropped your head on the table. However, you were careful to not actually hit it that hard and your coffee cup shook with the slight movement. Sure, you were being dramatic, but it was totally justified. “Maybe I should just move into a convent.”

“You’re being ridiculous, alright? Lots of people wait to have sex.”

“But I’m not waiting!” You lifted your head and watched as she calmly took a sip of coffee. “I swear, I’ll bang the next semi-reasonable dude I see.”

“No, you won't."

"Don't test me, woman. I'll sleep with anyone."

"If that was the case you’d have lost it forever ago. What about that last guy? Max. He was pretty good, right?” 

Your face scrunched up in disgust and she grimaced.

“Uh-uh. Way too much spit. When he went down on me he slobbered more than a Saint Bernard. My vagina lubricates itself, thank you very much.” While you had some familiarity with sex, you had never gotten the... **_full experience_**. You were clear to make that distinction, but it didn’t seem to matter to the men you dated. And you had definitely become well-acquainted with oral sex, but Max was your first time on the receiving end. The whole incident left you all but traumatized. Again, you were being a little dramatic, but only a little.

Suzy looked at you with a sad smile.

“There isn’t going to be a perfect guy, you know. You’re looking for a fuckbuddy not a partner,” she said simply. If only finding someone fuckable-but-pleasant was that easy. Despite saying there was no such thing, Suzy had found her ‘perfect guy’ at a young age and hadn’t looked back. You, on the other hand, seemed to find something wrong with every person that you dated. You pushed the stirrer around your empty coffee cup's edge with your finger. “I know! How about I set you up with someone? I know this guy who’s a great one night stand but he’s also a real sweetheart.”

“Those two things usually don’t go together.” You looked at her suspiciously.

“Trust me. He’s not needy at all and he’s pretty chill.” She grinned and raised her eyebrows like she was a used-car salesman trying to sell you the most expensive car on the lot. You laughed loudly, making some other patrons turn to look at you.

“You’re not a pimp, Suze. I’m not gonna meet up with this guy just to bang him. It's mortifying enough that I'm the last virgin in LA; I don't need your friend having pity sex with me.”

“Then I won’t mention the virginity thing to him. He’ll just thinks it’s a blind date,” Suzy said as she stood up and you followed suit. The two of you made your way to the trashcan and then out the door. She needed to head back to work and you knew you had to as well, regardless of how boring and soul-crushing it was.

“I dunno. This feels kinda skeevy.”

“Just think about it. You don’t need to answer right now.”

You smiled. Suzy was your best friend and you knew she was just trying to help. “Alright. I’ll text you.”

“Bye, babe.” She hugged you and you both went your separate ways. The café wasn’t far from your apartment so you hadn’t bothered to drive. A few cars drove down on the street and you were for the most part the only one walking on the sidewalk. Most people were still at work and you were thankful that you set your own schedule so that you could wander around town during a weekday.

“Hey, baby! Show me what ya pee with!” Someone shouted. You turned to see a man in a yellow jeep driving towards you. His stupid, albeit handsome, face jutted out of his window and he winked as he drove by. His blonde hair was cut short on the sides and the top was coiffed into a pompadour. His jaw was covered in scruff and flawlessly chiseled; it could have cut diamonds. You probably would have considered dating him if he hadn’t verbally harassed you. You made an audible gagging noise and a wonderful ugly face to go with it before continuing your walk home at a much quicker pace.

Then a realization hit you. Maybe the reason you were getting shitty guys is because **_you_ ** picked them out. Maybe you needed someone with better judgement to pick one for you. After reaching your apartment, you fumbled through your purse for your keys. They were somehow always missing when you needed them. You finally found them after pulling out your phone, wallet, sunglasses a pack of gum, baseball cap, and half a dozen receipts. Sliding your phone into your pocket, you swung open your door and slung your bag and shoes off with wanton abandon. With a deep sigh, you grabbed your phone to send a message to Suzy.

_I’m in. What’s his name?_


	2. Tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Let's get dating. Feel free to comment and/or leave a kudos!

From the way Suzy replied almost immediately, you could tell she was waiting for you to cave. Then again, she was your best friend for a reason. She knew you right down to what your favorite ice cream was. At times, it was fucking spooky.  
_Danny. He’ll be at your place at seven._  
You’re eyes widened and threatened to pop out of your head.  
_Wait. TODAY? And you told him where I live?!_ You replied back.  
_Yeah! He’s gonna be there later tonight anyway. Go hit that, girl!_  
While you wanted to be upset that she had given him your address, you knew that she wouldn’t have given it to just anyone. Besides, it was good that she made it for tonight. That way, you couldn't back out. You glanced at the clock on your phone to see that it had just turned to one-forty-five. Good; you had **_some_** time. With an exasperated sigh, you sat down at your desk to continue editing the novel you had been looking at before you left. Most books you edited were fairly interesting, but for some reason a six-hundred page guide about the types and history of tea just didn’t hold your interest. As time went on, your mind drifted to your upcoming booty call.  
Like any good best friend, you already knew the names of Suzy’s coworkers since she mentioned them all the time and “Danny” was definitely one of them. You had never met him, but you heard his voice before in a few of the episodes on the video game channel she was a part of. There was even a silly little cartoon before every episode that gave you an idea of what he looked like. Not that you frequented the Game Grumps channel or anything. Or so you told yourself. You only checked out the videos of the games you had played when you were younger, but something about them made you rewatch them whenever you were sad. While you had been into video games as a kid, there simply hadn’t been time to play any recently. You briefly considered googling Dan to know what you were fully getting yourself into, but then decided against it. _It wouldn’t be fair. He probably doesn’t know what I look like._  
You tried to focus back on editing, but it was just so difficult. Suzy hadn’t really told you much about what to expect, but then again, you didn’t really ask. After editing around fifty more pages, you wondered just how experienced this guy was. Surely a “great one-night stand” meant he was experienced. Or did it just mean that he wouldn’t get attached?Was he dominant or would you have to take control? How did Suzy even know that he was a good one-night stand anyway?  
It went like that for a little bit, your mind flipping from work to Dan, before you turned off your computer altogether.  
You checked your phone again to see that the time was now six-fifteen; apparently you had been staring at your computer for too long. You scrambled around your room, preparing yourself and your apartment for what was to come. In a whirlwind, you raced from taking a shower to getting dressed to drying your hair and putting on makeup to picking up around your apartment all within the span of thirty minutes. The time was quite impressive considering your usual forty-minute showers, something that was no doubt contributing to the drought. Your outfit was casual but nice; a loose A-line dress with flats. You wanted to look good but you also didn’t want to put on too much of an appearance for the guy. After all, he was taking your virginity, not your hand in marriage.  
After organizing your couch pillows for the eighth time, you knew you had to calm down. Normally you never cleaned, but you were nervous. Tonight was going to be momentous and you tried to wave away any possible mishaps that floated in your brain. You had to keep your hands occupied or else you’d start fidgeting or bite your nails or some other nervous habit. Then there was a knock on your door. Dan was early?  
With one last glance around your apartment, you mentally went through a checklist. Showered? Check. Bed made? Check. Looking good? After a quick glance in the mirror and saw you were presentable, you took in a deep breath. Everything was perfect. You opened the front door to see a tall, goofy-smiling man standing on your doorstep.  
“Danny?” You asked. Dear God, was he attractive. Large, soft curls framed his face and the color of it matched his warm brown eyes. All anxiety faded away as you looked at him and was replaced by a strange warmth. You knew you were not going to back out now. Though the weather had finally cooled in California, you found it a little odd that he was wearing a black leather jacket. You definitely weren’t complaining though; he looked drop dead gorgeous. You tried to not limit yourself to one specific type, but looking at this tall, slender, strangely attractive man, you wouldn’t have minded starting.  
“Hey! You’re (y/n), right?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Awesome. I mean, you look beautiful.” Dan smiled and his eyes flitted down your body before quickly returning to your face.  
“Thank you. You too.” It was a relief that you didn’t have to lie. Some guys you dated dressed like a randomized Sim.  
“I was thinking we could see a movie, if that’s alright,” he said as he ran his fingers through his lion’s mane of hair. That’s right; Suzy said she would tell him it was just a blind date. You were glad she did. Hopefully getting to know him beforehand would settle the shaking in your stomach.  
“Cool. I haven’t been to one in ages. Would you want to grab some takeout and take it back here after?”  
“Totally!” He smiled. Good. You’d be in familiar territory. There would be no strange distractions that you’d be bound to notice if you had gone to his place. You would have the inviting smell and lighting of your own apartment and you knew that at least **_your_** sheets were clean. “Anything in particular you want to see?”  
“I don’t really know what’s out.” You shrugged.  
“How about a comedy? I can’t stand scary stuff.”  
“Fine by me.” You were a big horror fan, but didn’t push it. Watching the PT video, while hilarious, clearly showed that he was not joking. The two of you walked to his car and Dan walked far enough ahead to open the passenger door for you.  
“Thank you, kind sir.” You curtseyed theatrically and he laughed.  
“No problem, m’lady.” He drew out the last word a little bit to show he wasn’t using it seriously. You settled in to the passenger’s seat as he turned the ignition. A loud burst of rock music exploded from his speakers and Dan hastily reached out to turn the volume down to an acceptable level. The car pulled out of your driveway and on its way to the theater. Dan’s taste in music was good. Very eighties, but good. You hadn’t noticed you were softly singing along until he spoke up.  
“You’ve got a great voice.”  
“Thanks. My proudest achievement was playing a townsperson in my middle school’s production of Cinderella.”  
“We all gotta start somewhere.” That’s right; Dan was musical. He frequently sang in videos and you enjoyed hearing his voice when he did. He was in a band, right? Or was it two?  
You carried on polite conversation until you arrived at the movie theater. Since it was fall, the board was filled with horror flicks that always seemed to come out this time of year. Only two movies were non-horror, but one of them was starred Adam Sandler so you and Dan quickly decided on the other.  
“Two tickets, please.” Dan smiled at the teen in the ticket booth as he pulled out his wallet and handed him some cash. You were surprised he was willing to pay for you, but didn’t object. He was being a perfect gentleman… and you never turned down anything free.  
The movie theater was small, but well-maintained. The dark red carpet was free of any stains and thankfully didn’t smell.  
“Popcorn?” Dan turned to you with eyebrows raised.  
“Takeout.” You gently reminded.  
“Right.”  
You made your way to the hall of theaters and made eye contact with the manager who smiled at the people who passed by; many patrons ignored him. He was always polite and had somehow kept the kindness that many people lose when they work around people who treat them like dirt. You smiled as you walked by and Dan gave him a small wave. You two walked to the correct theater and took a seat in the middle. There weren’t many other people there since the movie had been out for a while. It was after you settled in your seat when you realized that there hadn’t been much deep conversation going on.  
How were you supposed to have sex with this guy if there wasn’t any real conversation or natural buildup? The silence made you feel a little awkward and a glance at Dan showed that he was feeling it too. Since when had this become your first date again? It was embarrassing to think back to your preteen years, but at least you got your first kiss on your first date. Hopefully you’d be getting your first something on this date too.  
“So did Suzy tell you what I looked like or were you going in blind like me?” You finally spoke and Dan seemed relieved by the start of conversation.  
“Uh, neither. She has a picture of you and her on her desk.”  
“Really?” It really shouldn’t have surprised you that she’d have one, but you usually avoided being photographed. You weren't self-conscious though. There was something that always went wrong when you were in pictures; someone blocked the shot, the photo was fuzzy, you were making an unintentionally hideous face. You were cursed. It was miraculous that Suzy had taken a picture of you and you didn’t remember it.  
Dan cleared his throat. “Yeah! You guys are at Disney’s Halloween thing and, uh, Arin’s in the background ruining the photo.”  
You groaned and instantly remembered the photo in question. You hadn’t remembered because you had tried your hardest to repress it. It was taken at Mickey’s Halloween Party that Disneyland throws annually from a few years ago, just after you had moved to Los Angeles. You were dressed up as Lara Croft and Suzy was the devil. If you recalled correctly, that was one of the few pictures you looked decent in. That is, you looked decent right before Arin threw up all over both of you, just at the photograph was taken. Turns out he hadn’t felt well all week and tried to tough it out by going to the party that evening. He apologized profusely immediately after and you weren’t angry at him, but yours and Suzy’s outfits were ruined so you hadn’t bothered to take another photo. The curse strikes again.  
“Oh, God. You saw **_that_ ** picture? Why does she have that on her desk?!” You brought your hands to your cheeks and felt fire. Dan’s giggle only made the fire burn brighter.  
“She thinks it’s hilarious. She shows it to anyone who stops by the office.”  
“I’m surprised you said yes after seeing me covered in vom.”  
“I’ll have you know, you looked lovely. Also, you’re not the first person nor the last Arin spewed fluids on.” Both of you started laughing. You looked down shyly and your eyes rested on Dan’s hands laying on the arm rest.  
“You have interesting thumbs,” you said softly. You hadn’t really meant to say that out loud, but you guessed it was harmless. Probably subconsciously, he wrapped his thumb underneath his other fingers to form a fist. Had you hit a sore spot?  
“Yeah, they’re kinda big and doofy aren’t they?”  
“I like them.” You smiled and Dan’s hand relaxed.  
“Well, you know what they say about big thumbs.” His charm was back with a vengeance. It was refreshing that he couldn’t be kept down.  
“I thought the saying was feet.” You teased and Dan smirked.  
“I got those too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have returned! I am glad to be writing this again, along with some hopefully upcoming Barry stuff.  
> I also apologize to those who have been waiting. I feel I must mention that I am going through mental issues and often lose motivation to do stuff. However, I really enjoy writing and it makes me happy.  
> Sorry... getting real in a smut story. My bad. This story is only going to be 3-4 chapters as of right now. But shit will get smutty in the next chapter :3 so get pumped


End file.
